i am swallowed

when the weather turned
you left me

i didn't blame you

but on the day after

i envied the sunflowers ability to turn away

to look towards the sun

towards growth 

i sank into the car [again]

let it swallow me like a whale

watched the coffee steam 

and the oil separate

from the bitter liquid

i chewed on this metaphor a thousand times

wondering if i was the bitter

or the oil

bit my lip wondering

i could only look at the car stereo

and pretend to decide which song to send you

Bishop Briggs or Danny Brown

could only pretend to decide how

i would talk to you again

i am stalling time

by writing [you] this poem

i look in my coin purse

to see how many words i have

how much time can i buy

before i break

and when that thought knocks

when it sweeps into my brain 

not thinking if it would interrupt progress

i compare myself to her

i am another moon

orbiting

why am i pulled

I cannot unmake this pendulum

cannot stop swinging

half of me longs to flip over like a fish

but when i met you halfway

i could see how hard it was for you

to get there

how you wore her watch for a reason