Monday, August 21, 2017

i am swallowed

when the weather turned
you left me

i didn't blame you
but on the day after
i envied the sunflowers ability to turn away
to look towards the sun
towards growth 

i sank into the car [again]
let it swallow me like a whale
watched the coffee steam 
and the oil separate
from the bitter liquid

i chewed on this metaphor a thousand times
wondering if i was the bitter
or the oil
bit my lip wondering

i could only look at the car stereo
and pretend to decide which song to send you
Bishop Briggs or Danny Brown
could only pretend to decide how
i would talk to you again

i am stalling time
by writing [you] this poem
i look in my coin purse
to see how many words i have
how much time can i buy

before i break

and when that thought knocks
when it sweeps into my brain 
not thinking if it would interrupt progress
i compare myself to her

i am another moon
why am i pulled
I cannot unmake this pendulum
cannot stop swinging

half of me longs to flip over like a fish

but when i met you halfway
i could see how hard it was for you
to get there
how you wore her watch for a reason

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