When I try to
i feel okay

When I imagine
her waking up to someone
new
waves of covers
jarring angles

When I imagine
her anxiety
tightness of throat
number on her collar
rubbed away and ripped off

When I imagine
new scents
no familiar kisses
of heat from my body
no known thing meant
from a rap on the head

When I imagine the -8
of last night
the not full moon
the blurred vision of hospital
like lights

When I imagine
the high un-coaxing voice of
put her in there when you are ready
she wouldn't look at me
and I couldn't look at the room
in case her eyes asked questions
through the window

When I imagine the empty bed
of last night
I feel cut
salt of blurry oceans
a friendship snuffed
never enough sand
in an hour glass